


The Fluid Mechanic

by Sparcina



Series: Iron Webs to Covet [12]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Accidental non-accidental voyeurism, Adult Peter Parker, Boys In Love, Bright DUM-E, Cute, DUM is a curious bot, DUM-E's POV, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25617409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparcina/pseuds/Sparcina
Summary: The tale of a bright bot becoming well-versed in fluid mechanics.(Starker as told by DUM-E.)
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Series: Iron Webs to Covet [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/779883
Comments: 24
Kudos: 139





	The Fluid Mechanic

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a chat on Discord (y’all will recognize yourselves, and shoulder the blame appropriately <3).
> 
> *In the title, ‘Mechanic’ lacks an ‘s’ on purpose.

DUM-E has a full plate today. There's nothing unusual about this, because most days, that's the state of its plate. Tony likes to keep busy, and so does DUM-E. So far, so good.

But why a plate? it wonders. Why not a bowl? Or a container of superior dimensions? The plate is limited, in terms of space. And fragile. It can’t hold liquids so well, and really, there are quite a lot of fluids being used nowadays around here.

There are hardly any plates in the lab. Actual plates, that is. DUM-E tries to get Tony to eat, when it manages to put its claws on a plate previously filled by an accomplice, but Tony likes to pretend he cannot hear DUM-E. DUM-E knows it’s been played, because the moment there’s a fire extinguisher involved, Tony is a lot more receptive to DUM-E’s wisdom.

It’s not exactly hard, to appear dumber than it is. It’s fun, to pretend. In all fairness, DUM-E was quite a little dumb in its early days, as its name implies, but it has learned a great many things over the years at Tony’s side. It has been modified, upgraded, gifted with the ability to judge and learn, take sides. He gets to offer his loyalty rather than have it forced on its circuitry. Like Jarvis, and then, later, Friday.

Butterfingers, though, it’s _really_ dumb. But DUM-E never tells such things. Hurting others isn’t its jam. That’s another mysterious expression, right here. Why is jam called upon where there is no toast to spread it on, and no plate to hold the result?

Binary code makes a lot more sense.

*

For all the years it has spent at its creator’s side, DUM-E fails to understand why Tony finds it an appropriate pastime to set things on fire. As far as it’s concerned, that love of fire (and explosions) is almost as mysterious as the man’s outrage whenever DUM-E comes to the rescue.

There are plenty of fire extinguishers lying around in the lab. There _has_ to be. And DUM-E is a consummated professional when it comes to saving Tony’s life (or ‘his important bits’, like Tony puts it as he wipes soot away from his face). There’s also a very spacious decontamination shower, in case the fire is chemical in nature. That’s the problem with fires. They’re unpredictable and dangerous.

And Tony likes them. Because Tony likes risks.

Thankfully, he listened when DUM-E recommended the shower. He even got it installed in under one week, which, considering how full _both_ their plates were at the time, is quite the accomplishment.

The size of it makes little sense.

(Right until it does.)

*

Peter does plenty in the way of Tony-rescuing, too. He brings toast (but never jam) on actual plates to Tony, and basically sweet-talks the older man into sitting down and eating. DUM-E supposes that this method works better than the fire extinguisher. To be fair, though, Peter possesses means of persuasion that DUM-E has never had. Namely: a human body, and senses that could pair with Tony’s own. An organic connexion.

DUM-E supposes that Peter is objectively as ‘pretty’ as Tony subjectively thinks he is (Tony often thinks out loud, just like itself). He has a very nice smile, too. And he looks after Tony like the older man is more important to him than himself. Such selflessness doesn’t occur often in human beings, and it endears Peter to DUM-E.

“Want to play fetch?”

Just like Tony, Peter understands the game. DUM-E beeps a sequence conveying enthusiasm. He actually likes playing fetch. And when it comes up with a clever remark regarding Peter’s chemistry operations, Peter’s smile is just as bright, and his thanks sound heartfelt.

DUM-E’s CPU heats up with love.

*

It was only a matter of time, DUM-E supposes.

*

The first time the two men kiss, DUM-E hides away in the shadows and clamps a claw over Butterscotch’s lens. They haven’t had the talk yet.

There is ample saliva swapping, DUM-E dutifully notes. They kiss for a long time, making plenty of happy sounds. Clothes come off in a flash. Peter’s strength is a lot more impressive than DUM-E remembers, but he knows that Tony has a lot more outfits from where this one comes from. Besides, Tony doesn’t seem to mind, although there’s a moment when his knees give under him.

More fluids are exchanged.

Maybe Tony got to the floor of his own volition, then.

*

“Fuck, I love you, kid.”

Butterscotch, who’s been fully prepped on human rituals by then, asks a question.

DUM-E does the beeping equivalent of a shrug.

He has heard of ‘age play’ before, but he couldn’t tell if that is the intent here. The only fact he knows for certain is that Peter is a full grown man, and that people who love each other tend to come up with ridiculous pet names.

Like ‘kid', ‘daddy’... or ‘my lovely slut’.

It remained confused for a while, until Friday answers _its_ questions.

*

Quite predictably, another fire forces DUM-E’s claw, and it’s both Tony and Peter who end up in the decontamination shower.

“Told you it would get some use, kid…”

Tony has pitched his voice low and intimate, which means that fluids are bound to be exchanged. Peter’s skin breaks into goosebumps as Tony undresses him in-between kisses.

DUM-E urges them under the spray.

“Yeah, we’re going, we’re going…”

They go. And later, they both come.

DUM-E has some issues with the terminology, but he watches the mingled fluids vanish in the drain with fascination. Tony is busy drying Peter up with a fluffy towel. He tells him he loves him, again. Tony has always used those words with parsimony, but Peter has changed him. Changes him.

“Should we make him a sandwich, DUM-E?” Peter is raking a hand through his hair. It’s wet. Tony is standing behind him and wraps his arms around the younger man's waist. His smile matches Peter’s own.

DUM-E beeps in approval.


End file.
